the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My vagina is officially offended.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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