I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
