woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
