Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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