ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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