we're blogging at a bar
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
