Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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