I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
