maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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