some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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