i just had sex bonerless
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
