Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
