I'd wear matching sweaters with you
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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