it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
