thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
