She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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