I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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