week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She told me I should be a condom model.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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