That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize