All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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