those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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