New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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