no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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