The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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