I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
