thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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