I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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