you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Umm I'm too high to move.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
