I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
