We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
