She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
