This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
