The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
