my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
