I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Come see our sink grown plant.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
