Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
