Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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