He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
