My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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