Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
