you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
