I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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