the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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