You really coming over, don't trick.
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
