I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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