Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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