OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
