I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
