Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
