My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
