Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Randomize
