I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize