Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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