Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
