Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
