He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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