why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
