question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
