my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
