Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
