I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
