He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
