What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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