It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
