Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
