So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize