I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
